Author, columnist for O Magazine and coach Martha Beck hits the nail right on the head in this article about how to cultivate empathy.
She walks us through an empathy workthat that consists of:
- learning to listen by really hearing stories, not just telling yours (what I call, "put the spotlight on the other")
- make it a habit to tap into the unfamiliar (what I call "be a life-long learner")
- Work backwards from the observable effects of emotion to the emotion itself (what I call the "emotional autopsy")
- Shares a meditation technique designed to increase uncritical acceptance. The exercise reminds me of a compassion exercise I've seen before in a quirky magazine I get -- I really don't know how I got on the mailing list -- called Avatar Journal. Its manifesto is to create an enlightened planetary civilization. Ever since I found the little gem of an exercise, I can't cancel it. Could there be another gem in there?
Finally, I'll add -- only because I just came across this fun fact and I adore serendipty -- that the crystal called Rose Quartz aids in increasing empathy. (Hence the image of a heart-shaped rose quartz pendant above---and remember, my birthday is November 7.)
Here's an exercise I came across from Martha:
Whenever you're overwhelmed by a strong negative emotion, your felt age is probably that of a child. The next time you're anguished, enraged, or terrified, ask yourself, How old do I feel? Let a number pop up. This is the felt age of your suffering self.
It's important not to demand that others coddle you like a 2-year old, though this is what most of us unconsciously expect when we're in the throes of emotional age regression.