Met a lovely woman who reminded me of me.
She was professional, smart, elegant, articulate, motivated, full of great ideas, eloquent, fasionable, shall I go on?
But the me I recognized in her was the part that can be forceful, confident bordering on cockiness, in-your-face, demanding, and has high expectations of others. She was an open, vulnerable, take-control kind-of-gal, and I knew exactly what she meant when she said she was truly puzzled on why she turns people off.
I couldn't help see me! So I asked her, "Are you a Scorpio?"
You know what she said?
"Yes! How did you know that?!"
And I told her because I was one and I recognized me in her.
Kooky, isn't it? How I recognized her and she shares my sign.
The kookiest part is yet to come, however.
I ask her, "What day is your birthday?"
She said, "November 7."
That's mine!
Kooky? It get's even kookier.
She was born the same year. (I'm not about to reveal that, now, friends. I do have some decorum.)
Wild, huh?
Well, how wild? Did a quick search on the odds of sharing the same birthday. Turns out mathematically I have a 1 in 10 chance of meeting someone with my same birthday in a group of 10 people. (Odds are even at 25!)
But really, what are the odds, of sharing the same year? Or, the odds of actually sharing that in conversation? What if I hadn't shared my insight that she reminded her of me? What if she hadn't shared her feelings and thoughts so openly and candidly?
In coaching, it's called "Share what is there."
I call it creating stronger connections.
Been thinking a lot about A's style of communicating (mine too, I guess). She says she's been taught to be impatient and demanding. Her boss -- obviously successful and a super multi-tasker -- tells her to get her way. "If someone doesn't help you, or you get the feeling you will get nowhere, demand to speak to their manager right away," is one strategy she employs.
As Marshall Goldsmith says, "One of the most common challenges that successful people face is a constant need to win. When the issue is important, they want to win. When the issue is trivial, they want to win."
Or, as I like to say, "do you want to be right, or do you want results?" Funny thing is A and her boss get results. Or really, are they just being right.
Truth is, the more demanding and impatient, the more people run away. And just when you need them to cooperate, bring you new ideas, bring you new information and just plain give you support or thanks or an atta-girl, they are far, far away.
As MG says, "Adding Value -- but at What Cost?" Read his article on that topic here.