Are women better at empathy than men?
I get this question a lot when I train empathy skills. I used to say that there's no difference. Oops, I might be wrong.
It turns out that while there are no major differences in total emotional intelligence scores, women and men do differ in certain abilities (according to a study that used Reuven Bar-On's EQ Inventory.)
Again, men and women are equal when it comes to total EQ, but when it comes to empathy, interpersonal relationship and social responsibility, women score higher.
When it comes to assertiveness, stress tolerance and impulse control, men score higher.
But wait.....
Just like every theory out there, there's another to contradict it.
...in the article, "The Myth of Gender Cultures: Similarities Outweigh Differences in Men's and Women's Provision of and Responses to Supportive Communication," was published this year in Sex Roles: A Journal of Research. Erina L. MacGeorge, of Purdue University, and her colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania find no support for the idea that women and men constitute different "communication cultures." Their article, based on three studies that used questionnaires and interviews, sampled 738 people -- 417 women and 321 men. In fact, the authors find, the sexes are very much alike in the way they communicate: "Both men and women view the provision of support as a central element of close personal relationships; both value the supportive communication skills of their friends, lovers, and family members; both make similar judgments about what counts as sensitive, helpful support; and both respond quite similarly to various support efforts."
To read more about this study clickhere.
But wait....
Mr. Baron-Cohen a Cambridge scholar identifies empathy as "the drive to identify another person's emotions and thoughts, and to respond to them with an appropriate emotion." At the core of his thesis, he postulates that the natural wiring of the human brain tends either toward a capacity for empathy or toward one for understanding systems. He labels them E-type and S-type brains. "We find," he explains, "that women on average tend to score in this light blue area, so their empathy is better than average. But their systematizing is not as strong as their empathy." Moving a finger across the frame, he continues: "Now here. Men on average are in the pink range -- they're interested in how things work, in systems, and less interested in talking about, say, emotional problems."
And here's an article that says men "aren't emotionally inferior to females in function and capability. Rather, they learn to behave this way in our culture."
Boy, this is confusing!
(Or should I say, "Girl, this is confusing?")
I keep coming across (as if I could help it) references to the differences in empathy between men and women.
Here's a recap of a recent study on gender empathy (I found this on a blog called The Neurocritic) and the accompanying conversation generated from the author and his commenters.
The study says:
"We conclude that in men (at least) empathic responses are shaped by valuation of other people's social behaviour, such that they empathize with fair opponents while favouring the physical punishment of unfair opponents, a finding that echoes recent evidence for altruistic punishment."
Ok, so there are holes, as the blogger highlights.
Reader's Digest chimes in on men and their emotions (from their October 2005 issue).
Paul Graham in his book Hackers and Painters notes:
"Like painting, most software is intended for a human audience. And so hackers, like painters, must have empathy to do really great work. You have to be able to see things from the user's point of view. ... Empathy is probably the single most important difference between a good hacker and a great one."
Read the complete essay here.
Computer programs are systems - many different parts all working together and inter-relating. So great hackers are empathic system thinkers.
Here's what Daniel Goleman had to say (he's the guy who wrote the seminal book on Emotional Intelligence and is credited for putting EQ on the map. He was also the editor of Science Times for the NYT.)
"An analysis of the personality traits that accompany high IQ in men who lack these emotional competencies portrays, well, the stereotypical nerd: critical and condescending, inhibited and uncomfortable with sensuality, emotionally bland. By contrast, men with the traits that mark emotional intelligence are poised and outgoing, committed to people and causes, sympathetic and caring, with a rich but appropriate emotional life – they're comfortable with themselves, others, and the social universe they live in."