Early in December I took an hour to attend a webinar given by Crucial Conversations. Good little webinar (actually tele-seminar). They are repeating it on January 6. 2005. They have a pretty good e-zine too. Sign up for it on their home page.
Here are some of my own notes from the tele-seminar:
- When you make a judgment (e.g., "he's short and obnoxious"), you have two choices: talk it out or act it out. (I'll add that I firmly believed that there is no neutral -- there is no middle to talking and acting.)
- You get stuck at influencing (hmmm, I foget what I meant about this)
- When you are stuck ask yourself: what's the conversation I'm not holding or not holding well?
- When communicating don't understate your concern; don't be diplomatic. Instead, be candid and respectful.
- How do you do both? Create environments of safety and respect. What causes others to be defensive is NOT content, no matter how big, no matter how heavy. What causes other to be defensive is that they don't feel safe.
- To create safety: 1. let them know you care about their interests and goals (I add to this that this is a cumulative thing....it's the "relationship"; the "connections" you build with people along the way). and 2. let them know you respect them. (I add again that this is a cumulative thing....you can't just have a respectful moment if the history of the relationship has been disrespectul. Also, I find that controlling my environment emotionally is critical. I avoid -- and can detect -- people who'll bring me down. Life's just too short....don't just avoid them, actively repel them.)
- Learn to look
- Start with the heart. At the outset of difficult conversations our original motives change. E.g., "I intended to talk about low sales figures, but then the staff attacks me telling me I'm a incompetent sales manager". At moments like these, original motives are replaced with NEW motives like: trying to save face, trying to look good, punish, keep the peace, avoid conflict, win, be right.
I liked the webinar enough to buy the book and cd mastery set! (50% off if you attend their tele-seminar.)
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