Body Language

The Big Reveal
By Christian Wright

Body language really does speak volumes and that upturned palm or forearm touch is telling the world more than you know.

A successful young woman we know has a great job, perfect hair, an enviable figure, and a closet full of Manolo Blahniks. Still she always felt uncomfortable socially and had no luck with men. One day, purely by happenstance, she found herself tête-à-tête with a professional stripper. The stripper proceeded to give our friend some unsolicited advice: Her rounded shoulders and downcast head were projected a closed and guarded impression, the kiss of death with mean and not a great calling card in social interactions of any kind. The stripper told her to stand up straight, hold her head up, and when she wanted to be a little flirtatious, to touch herself fleetingly somewhere between her clavicle and the place between her breasts -- in other words, to change her body language. And guess what? It worked. Our friend is now more at ease at dinner parties, one man wants her back, and another wants to marry her. OK, so maybe there were a couple of other variables -- but the power of body language is not to be underestimated.

Strippers aren't the only ones with an interest in the nuances of nonverbal communications these days. Reading body language has become something of a national obsession. Pages and pages of celebrity tabloids are devoted to photo analysis of how Renee Zellweger stands at a move premiere and how J.Lo's hunched posture reveals her tension with Ben Affleck. And legal analysts on Court TV started speculating on murder suspect Scott Petersen's innocence on the basis of his shoulder position and eye movements before his trial even began.

This isn't simply a version of armchair psychology. Kinesics -- or the study of body language -- is a young yet serious science with increasing relevance in fields ranging from psychiatry to counterterrorism. "It's not just pie in the sky," says Lillian Glass, the author of I Know What You're Thinking (John Wiley & Sons), who is known in law-enforcement circles as "the first lady of communication." According to Glass, there's been an interest in body language "since biblical times, but people are hungrier than ever [to understand it] now."

Beyond the celebrity scrutiny and courtroom predictions, nonverbal communication is also an often underestimated component of appearance. In face, a recent British study concluded that initial impressions of a stranger are based 55 percent on body language and 38 percent on speaking style. What is actually said amounts to a paltry 7 percent. Translation: In a social context, body language is far more important than say, the length of your chandelier earrings or the hundreds of hours you've spent at the gym.

The most expressive people are the most attractive," says Paul Ekman, professor of psychology in the department of psychiatry at the University of California Medical School, San Francisco, and author most recently of Emotions Revealed (Times Books). "We are attracted to people who are animated in their face and voice and body," he says. "The biggest manifestation in the body is hands and head movement, usually for emphasis. We underline and italicize with the increases and decreases in loudness and contours of the voice and with movements of the head and hands.

Consider, for instance, the hand movement called the palm-down, which is defined by David B. Givens in The Nonverbal Dictionary of Gestures, Signs, and Body Language Cues (Center for Nonverbal Studies Press) as "a speaking or listening cue made with the fingers extended and the hand rotated downward -- as in a floor push-up." Used while engaged in conversation with someone, the palm-down gesture shows confidence, assertiveness, and dominance, according to anthropologists. (By contrast, the palm-up is more friendly and conciliatory.) "Accompanied by aggressive, palm-down 'beating' signs," Givens says, "our ideas, opinions, and remarks appear stronger and more convincing." Many gestures of this type are used unconsciously, perhaps even instinctively. (Palm-down cues have been observed in infants and children as signs of anger.)

So, is our individual body language innate or is it learned? "It's clearly both," Ekman says. Through decades of research across continents, he had identified seven universally expressed emotions: sadness anger, surprise, fear, disgust, contempt, and happiness.

"Everyone in the world is afraid of the same things," Ekman says. "Sudden loss of gravity, for example, will get a very nice fear response. That's a universal fear. but most of what we're afraid of we have learned to be afraid of. My wife is afraid of mice. I don't find anything whatsoever scary about mice; I'm afraid of heights. But what happens to our demeanor -- is pretty similar. We move away from fear, and we move forward in anger. It's hard not to do those things."

Who Can Turn the World On With Her Smile?
Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Mary Tyler Moore, lest we forget, in her role on the '70s sitcom of the same name. But in real life, it's the world-class flirt who seems to have been born to hold court in every room she enters. Consider the modern-day (and real life) Mary Richards, Katie Couric. With a wide smile and a quick touch of her hand the Today show anchor has made everyone from Henry Kissinger to Harry Connick Jr. comfortable enough to open up in her presence. Women like her are able to seduce the whole world, and their flirtation is as much about physical ease -- in other words, welcoming body language -- as it is about lively banter.

Socially magnetic women no doubt have charisma, that unquantifiable tonic for a nimble and happy life not available at the cosmetics counter. (Research on the roots and nature of charisma has just begun.) But they also telegraph their charms physically. "We can read them," says psychologist Patti Wood. "They are emotionally expressive. A lot of women think that the opposite, a cold veneer, is more seductive. But it's not. A true smile" -- a difficult-to-fake expression called a zygomatic smile in which the corners of the mouth turn up and crow's feet appear around the eyes -- "is a universal, animal sign of safety and makes the face light up. A true smile lets people, male or female, know that you are safe."

Positive body language is as effective a social burst lubricant as tequila, only without the risk of hangover and regret. "A good flirt makes people feel good," says Tracey Cox, author of Superflirt (DK Publishing). "Too many people think flirting is degrading, sexual teasing, sleazy, or silly game-playing. They're also wrong. Flirting doesn't mean that you're inviting the other person to take you to bed afterward, even if the thought might be there. What flirts are doing is letting other know they find them interesting."

While anthropologists have found that as much as 50 percent of our sociability is genetically determined, we can control our physical behavior -- cross our legs a different way, maybe, or ditch the tight-arm-cross (a gesture that may reveal acute nervousness or chronic anxiety) altogether. "We all have a tendency to slink into a room and stand in the corner," says Cox, who appears on the Learning Channel's Date Patrol as the body-language coach. "The joy of body language is, you can have completely instant results. If you're shy but you put your shoulders back, your head up, and make eye contact, people will think you're confident."

Reach Out and Touch Someone
In an age of political correctness (and sexual harassment litigation), social touching can be a very prickly issue, indeed. "Our culture has attached a sexual connotation to touch," Wood says. "Touches can be easily misread. But we can use them to make people feel happy and comfortable." When talking to someone at a cocktail-party setting, for instance, reaching out with two or three fingers and touching your fellow guest on the forearm, somewhere between the wrist and elbow, for a fortieth of a second in response to a remark creates a positive Ural gap between new acquaintances. In other words, the touch indicates that you are actively engaged in the conversation, which naturally makes the other person feel fascinating.

Another "luring cue," as they're called in the textbooks, is the self-touch. It turns out that the stripper's advice was scientifically sound: When a woman in conversation with a man briefly touches herself at a point somewhere between her neck and the center of her bra, "it is a sexual reaction," according to Wood. Likewise, a woman who pushes her hair back and shows the palm of her hand (remember the palm-up?) displays a luring motion. "It says you're available and open," Wood says, and that the conversation can go further.

Most physical actions and reactions that occur in a social context happen without thought. Few people are conscious of the eyebrow raise that lasts for a fraction of a second upon meeting but "it's a gesture that is duplicated in every culture on earth," says Cox. "And some experts claim that it's the most instantly recognized nonverbal sign of friendly greeting in the world." Practicing the eyebrow raise or a palm-revealing hair flip is not exactly like learning the fox trot. But awareness of physical behavior -- our own and that of others -- can take the anxiety out of unfamiliar situations and make the most of them.

Negative signals tend to be the more obvious ones, such as frowning, shuffling feet, fidgeting, and darting the eyes. The more subtle ones, though, can actually have the most lasting effect of all -- like turning your heart toward someone. "The people who seduce the world are the ones who give you all of their attention," says Glass. "They make direct eye contact with a posture that's inviting, leaning in toward you. That's how you can tell if a person really likes you. And they make you feel like you're the only person in the world." No matter the subject or even the context, body language speaks louder than words.

Links:
- Emotions Revealed, By Paul Ekman. And if you want even more on Eckman, see Wired Magazine's article which shows pictures of emotions.
- Center for Nonverbal Studies
- I Know What You're Thinking, By Lillian Glass
- Superflirt, By Tracey Cox